Fiery Rage Medicine

I had a bad day on the road yesterday driving to my weekly meditation group. I was trapped in very slow traffic due to a couple of earlier incidents and then finally when we began to move again, on the other side of the road, complete mayhem was unfolding.

Two cars had crashed into each other and they were engulfed in flames.

Witnessing cars in flames with fire trucks trying to put it out and ambulances on standby, sent me into a minor shock. The flames themselves triggering in me memories of past carnage (parallel lives?) yet I was also present to the shock of the people who were involved in that accident and feeling for them.

I was so grateful for how my shock sent me immediately into spontaneous sobs. For a brief moment, as I kept driving, I was able to cry again and release many tears. Tears that were literally washing away the shock in me. I brought that awareness to my tears – so I didn’t get consumed by the shock, rather I was opened to receive healing for the shock through the baptism of my tears.

That evening, as I was sharing my ‘crazy’ journey with my friends, I had the privilege to use my sharing time to talk to the pain I witnessed and felt within. Co-incidentally, the beautiful Notre Damme was also burning and a so was a mosque in Jerusalem. I knew I needed to invoke deep healing for myself around fire and flames.

Firstly, I checked in with my inner-child. “How are you my precious one?”, I asked. She said, “Horrible. It was Horrible.” So, I took her into my arms (with my mind’s eyes), and held her and told her she was safe now and that I loved her so dearly. And as I did so, I felt her energy shift from being afraid to immediately returning to her joyful self. In that precious moment, I invoked, by the power of my own voice, through the power of my own words, from my loving heart, that Joy pours down and wash away all shock and trauma from all lifetimes of “Horrible” where I witnessed or was involved in a burning inferno and for Love and Peace to fill ALL our hearts and beings. There was great power in being witnessed by my friends as I invoked this Peaceful energy and prayer for all.

When we develop and strengthen our relationship to the divine within, we no longer need to remain attached to suffering. We can let go by allowing our feelings to be expressed authentically and not suppressed anymore. We can invoke and call forth the most perfect healing energy to pour down through us and liberate us.

"I DISSOLVE INTO THE HOLY OF HOLIES WITHIN ME. I LET GO." (The Sophia Code)

During our meditation that night, we also explored themes around how our own inner fire can burn and hurt others if we don’t tend to it. Our inner fires burn and hurt others and ourselves when we don’t listen and give voice to all that we have supressed within us. So when we are triggered, we can rage like a Fire out of control and we can easily destroy relationships along the way.

In my mentoring service, I have companioned many women as they began to work with their supressed rage and to support them as they reclaim the voice that is screaming to be heard. A lot of the time, they would prefer not to connect with their rage, seeing it as a ‘bad’ thing. Anger gets such bad press yet there is nothing worse than supressed anger. Paradoxically it is supressed anger that causes the most destruction.

Our anger is informing us, it is our fuel to awaken in us what needs healing.

When you feel it rising, notice it. Is it a familiar rage?

Witness this feeling as you would witness a friend. A friend whom you respect and love. Ask her if she has a message for you. Because it is in her message where the healing lies.

A few years ago, I met my inner rage in the most unfortunate circumstances. It was my husband who triggered me by asking “Why is the kitchen bench dirty?”. Well, now I know why they say ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’. I exploded like a volcano. There was nothing that I could do to stop my rage burning him and it was a wrathful but unrefined fire. It took me a day to ‘cool-down’ at which point I decided to meditate on my rage. As I took a deep breath in, I could feel my rage rise up in me again. I felt there was a lot more that I needed to release.

With my co-counselling training, I knew how to use cushions and even to yell out (in a private space). I needed to get this anger moving out of my body. But before I did this, I stayed bearing witness to my rising rage. And I began to journal. I asked, what are you so angry about?

Turns out, she didn’t want to be silenced any more. Earlier that week, an important decision was made by my husband without first asking for my input. I felt very hurt and angry about it but didn’t say anything. That night, I dreamt a mad woman lived in my house and when I told her to go away, she head-banged me! This dream was informing me of an aspect of myself that I was not in relationship with and frankly I would much rather not. However, it is only when we come into relationship with every aspect within us, the good, the tormented and the ugly parts when we can begin to truly love ourselves whole.

So when my husband made that silly comment about the kitchen bench the day after my dream, it was my mad woman who came out of the shadows to bite my husband’s head off.

So, as I meditated on her, I asked her to tell me more. And my rage said to me, “Enough! How much longer will you keep me silenced, how much longer will you allow your voice to go unheard?!” It was a very sobering moment. My husband wasn’t shutting my voice down, I was. My husband wasn’t keeping my views from being heard, I was. It was a pattern that I got used to albeit it made me grumpy a lot, but it was my pattern.

When you know what you are angry about, you can transmute that hot fire with grace. That hot fire is there to serve you, in service to your growth. It’s there as a FUEL to bring forth medicine waiting to heal you. So long as the fire is articulated with Grace.

I thanked my rage for waking me up to my own pattern of suppression. I knew I needed to speak up and let my views be heard. I also knew there was a way, a graceful way, to say what needs to be said. People may be hurt by our comments but there’s no need to burn them while we shove our truth in their face. There is an elegant way, where the divine quality of wrathful self-love will guide you.

“I was ‘wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove,’ as I carefully listened to and followed my Higher Self’s constant instruction on which divine qualities of my Keycode transmission that I was to embody in each present moment." (The Sophia Code, Pg. 199)

There are so many layers to unravel as we move closer and closer to self-love. And becoming friends with our rage is part of it. I welcome my rage as a dear friend offering me medicine to love myself even more.