Higher Purpose - Part 2
Choosing to share my personal healing and transformation stories, is one way how I live my Higher Purpose through me. Our Higher Purpose can come in all shapes and sizes and for me, it includes using my gift of writing and weaving in my vulnerable stories to support others on their journey.
Here is one vulnerable story I would like to share with you today. It’s not always easy to share these stories, which is to say, our Higher Purpose will not necessarily be easy nor comfortable sometimes.
I was feeling an intensely deep rage arise in me a few months ago and I decided to meditate on this part of me – I sat with my inner child to check in about this rage. The inner child in me who practiced her Indian classical dance steps and performed perfectly at the concert. The one who was confident to stand up against bullies and who was talented at singing. The one who has a soft, sensual loving expression, and equally playful, determined, and adventurous spirit.
And as I sat with her, I realised no matter what she did, how well she performed, how gifted she was, all the attention and affirmation went to her sisters, particularly her twin. Her twin who was so cute you wanted to grab her and never let her go – who never remembered her dance steps and jumped all over the stage while dancing, who got bullied at Kindy and who struggled with her expression. She was adorable. Everybody loved her. And she got all the attention.
And this little one in me got forgotten.
No matter what she did, she was not seen – or at least that was her experience. What she was always ready to offer, was not celebrated – not in the way her twin was.
Her only way to protect herself was to become invisible. But when you supress one part of you, another part will rise up – in this case my shadow-self who was loud-er, angry-er, mad-er.
So that became how she got the attention she craved. She turned down her light which turned on her rage. It was how she protected herself from feeling invisible. She became mad, her twin became cuter.
Today, I try everything to make it nice for my son who is 15 and can be quite mean to his mum.
My son is my greatest teacher on doing my shadow work – he shows me exactly what my patterns are and knows exactly what buttons to trigger the reactions I am not proud of.
Whatever I can do to meet his needs, I would. But guess what?
It’s never enough. No matter what I do, it’s never quite what he wants. I go the extra mile. But no. It’s not enough. That part of me then goes into hiding and immediately my rageful one appears.
Can you hear the story I tell myself here – can you recognise the pattern?
It’s not enough, so I make myself invisible. That’s my trigger. And then I get mad.
Today – my son is showing me, how this pattern continues to play through me. I am still reacting as the 5 year-old. Nothing I do is enough or valued, and so I make myself invisible and then I get mad at him.
Doing my shadow work helped me get to this pattern and the core wound. It now means I can truly attend to this one in me – and give her what she wanted.
Healing from these wounds take time, tenderness and a whole lot of resources. I have found that a mix of co-counselling techniques I have learnt over the years, inner child healing with Quan Yin, parts work and vibrational healing using Resonance Alchemy, I am able to shift this pattern and release the story.
The times we live in and the incoming potent energies, are all about clearing up this dross. We no longer supress the truth of who we are. We no longer react in the ways we have learnt to, to keep us safe. The energies will create perfect opportunities to trigger us to finally see the innocence waiting to be reclaimed.
And we need as much support to do this.
I am offering a special Resonance Alchemy package: When you book for this offer, you will also receive a free Resonance Alchemy remedy created specifically to help you stay aligned with your unique divine blueprint (for NZ addresses only at this time).
Email me joy@dheepanedungat.com to make a booking now.