Boundaries Set You Free

Boundaries are not walls we put up nor resistances we have toward certain people. If you notice you are using boundaries to resist others or to prevent others from entering your space because you do not like their energy, then this is more likely a defense mechanism, which most likely was designed by your wounded inner child. We need to pay attention to these resistances because it is a way your inner child is calling out for healing. To identify if you have a resistance in place rather than a boundary, ask yourself this question – am I judging or blaming myself or the person that I am choosing to stay away from? If yes, then this is a form of resistance or defense mechanism.

Nothing wrong with that, god knows we all need these strategies in place at times. And when we are ready to soften our stance, that is when boundaries can play a significant part.

Boundaries are always an invitation, an opening, a loving of self. An opportunity to let LOVE guide your way.

Let me explain.

Once upon a time, in the most surprising and joyful ways, I met my Wild Authentic Self. I was pure joy, innocence, sensual, courageous, sexual, creative. I had an energy about me that was ecstatic. I had NEVER felt so alive in myself and I was so grateful to meet this wild authentic part of myself. I wanted to EXPRESS this version of me always.

HOW TO LOSE BOUNDARIES

Yet even in the absolute joy of experiencing myself in that way, I noticed that I might have been ‘too much’ for others. I noticed some people pulling away from me, whilst others were keen to tell me that my expectations were unrealistic. That I needed to ‘get real’.

I did two things: I shut those people out from my life as I didn’t need their negative energy (a form of resistance). I also decided I best tune down my vibrancy through compromise so I didn’t scare people away. I compromised on my authentic self for a more ‘safer’ way of being seen.

When I compromise I am basically saying I will NOT listen to my feelings, rather I will do what needs to be done in order to make things workable with others. Nevermind that my feelings are telling me that I really feel uncomfortable when I don't give myself what I want, or that I really wanted something other than what I was getting. I tune out from the wisdom of my feelings so I can fit in.

When I am not listening to my feelings, boundaries are lost.

When I say yes to something that I really rather say no to, I am basically saying I don’t love, respect and honour myself enough. I don’t trust my Wild Authentic Self.

Can you relate?

I compromise so that I will not be rejected. I compromise so that I will be accepted.

I compromise when I have no boundaries about me. My boundaries are there to ensure that I love myself, I respect myself, I honour myself as I do others. With boundaries, I can TRUST myself.

HOW TO PUT BOUNDARIES IN PLACE

All I need to do to have boundaries is to LISTEN TO MY FEELINGS. By listening to my feelings, I am learning to trust myself. My feelings are my boundaries.

And within this boundary, I wrap my inner child with the security she needs, full acceptance, full witnessing of her needs, unconditional love for her. I do this by listening to my feelings.

And within this boundary I bless others who come into my life knowing that it is my responsibility to care and protect my boundary, no one else’s. I do this by listening to my feelings.

And when my feelings are telling me that I feel uncomfortable with what is happening presently, I listen.  I explore what is out of alignment. I do not judge or blame the other as wrong.  I am responsible for identifying what is out of alignment for me. My question is always, how am I letting LOVE decide the next step?

Love is not some soppy emotion.  Love is the very life source of our Being.

WHY WE NEED BOUNDARIES

My boundaries are the guardian of my Wild Authentic Self. Her Intentions, Desires, Needs. When I don’t have boundaries in place, my needs are shunted for appeasing others and my heart’s desires are forgotten.

My desires tell me what I want. When I know what I truly want, there is no longer a need to look to others to find it, there is no need to defend or justify myself, there is no need to tell others why they are wrong. I know what I want and I become responsible for that. I release others from being responsible for me getting what I want - although sometimes an open honest blame-free dialogue needs to be had. This is what my boundaries are creating for me – a strong vessel of self-trust and self-love.

When I listen to my feelings and trust my feelings, I can surrender to the radiance and knowing of my Wild Authentic Self to lead me and inspire others to do the same.